When The Lines Blur
by Lord Youko
Summary: Inuyasha craves whatever his elder brother does to him. Love, after all, sees no logic. Sesshoumaru knows that he does not love the half-breed. Why, then, are some of his actions so…inconsistent?
1. Suffering

_**Story: When The Lines Blur**_

_**Summary:**__ Inuyasha craves whatever his elder brother does to him. Love, after all, sees no logic. Sesshoumaru knows that he does not love the half-breed. Why, then, are some of his actions so…inconsistent?_

**Warnings: This fic will contain hardcore yaoi, incest, LEMON, violence, oral, anal, D/s, BDSM, humil, mentions of some weird kinks. If you are not comfortable with these, please leave.**

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Inuyasha and make no money from the writing of this fic.

**Chapter 1 – Suffering**

Pain and Suffering are not the same.

Inuyasha thinks of this when his brother is pounding into him harshly and the rest of the world fades away and then there is only his beautiful elder brother's power over him, his complete helplessness and the delicious, exquisite pain.

Pain, Inuyasha thinks hazily, is good. Pain is _very_ good. It helps you find your way. Without pain, he feels…restless. There is a light buzz in his brain. And of course, pain is nothing without the humiliation, the degradation.

Inuyasha feels this when his alpha whispers addictive insults in his ears as he slides his demon cock into his blood slicked asshole. Sesshoumaru, of course, is perfect and beautiful and powerful and…well, what else is important? So Inuyasha lets the demon reach into his soul and destroy whatever little self-esteem, self-worth that he has developed since their last encounter. After all, it is there for him to enjoy, to break - just like his little brother.

Yes, Inuyasha is broken…but Sesshoumaru was not the one to break him. Inuyasha was already broken long ago….years ago…perhaps on the day he learned the meaning of the jeers 'hanyou' and 'bastard'. Perhaps on the day he met his older brother and decided to become him. But of course, he could not and he sees that now, so here he is, being fucked into the expensive sheets by the demon Lord above him. And there is no where else he'd rather be.

Inuyasha looks tolerable when he blushes, Sesshoumaru thinks absently as he drives his dick into little brother, over and over again. The tight little ass taking the giant intruder so well, so deep, because it cannot do otherwise. The tortured little face, scrunched up in pleasure and pain as Sesshoumaru deals out his abusive pleasure. Yes, shame suits Inuyasha; it is what the demon Lord likes to see on him – he wants to see the shame and the submission and the desperate adoration that the puppy doesn't know he can't hide. Sesshoumaru wants his brother's fragile, damaged soul in his hand; his to savor and his to wrench and tear and destroy.

Sesshoumaru thinks that this is where he belongs, the half-demon bastard. Beneath him. Being torn, hurt and dominated by him – his cock, his fangs, his claws, his will. This is his place. And Inuyasha agrees with him, but for different reasons. Because, for Inuyasha, love is giving yourself to someone. The half-demon has learned his place well in the world; has learned to be alone and strong, all the while knowing, that this is what he is not.

So he waits; till _that_ one comes along – the lonely, beautiful priestess who pities him and does not fear him. So he gives himself to her; he gifts her his heart for her to do what she likes with it and she goes ahead and breaks it. Of course, it was not her fault but the heart does not know that, does it? It breaks anyway. So Inuyasha collects the broken pieces of himself. But now, he is tired of waiting so he carefully unravels the place where he has hidden his heart and gifts the pieces to his brother. Love, after all, is an irrational thing.

Sesshoumaru, unlike his brother, knows what love is. Love is leaving your mate and your son and your lands and your life for a human whore and her hanyou child. So Sesshoumaru knows that he is powerful because he does not love.

He is amused by his brother's adoration. Let the child love and worship him if he likes. He will take his pleasure from the boy. Let the boy offer him everything. He will take it and in return, gift him the pain he desires.

Inuyasha never protests when his brother orders him to his palace. Inuyasha never makes a sound as he sneaks into his own home and quiet as a whisper, enters his elder brother's chambers. He does not ask why he must kneel silently in front of him; does not question why he must bow his head; does not ask why his brother allows him to meet his eyes.

He waits for the Lord to bestow him with a glance and when his brother feels like it, Inuyasha submits, all the while staring into depthless golden eyes. He does not know how anyone can imagine that his eyes are similar to his elder's. There is no comparison except the color - like diamond and glass; like yellowed leaves and molten gold. His brother's eyes are smoldering, piercing, inscrutable. His own are a dark, dirty gold. Dirty.

His brother calls him a dirty half-breed when they fuck. He calls him a whore and a fuck-toy when he cums on the hanyou's face; he calls him the dirt beneath his feet when he runs lethal claws on – and through – his skin. Sesshoumaru calls him everything he knows himself to be and more and Inuyasha moans and begs and screams with pleasure at the oh so fitting words and ruthless fangs on his unprotected neck.

Did he tell you that the words are the best part? Pain and wounds can be inflicted by many but it is only Sesshoumaru who can tear the walls around his heart with his merciless, cold, true words. Yes, he knows he is nothing. Yes, he knows he is alive because it pleases the demon Lord to keep him so. Yes, he knows that he deserves this- this pain and this punishment. Yes, he knows his brother cares nothing for him except it is amusing to use his body so. Yes, he knows he will always return.

Kagome does not know that he grows hard when his brother calls him a filthy half-breed in front of everyone. His friends don't know that Inuyasha shivers with pleasure when Sesshoumaru grabs his arm, even if it _is_ to burn his wrist with his acid. Kagome doesn't know that when Sesshoumaru slams him to the ground, Inuyasha has no wish to escape. Kagome doesn't know that when his brother orders him to his knees, it takes every fiber of his will to not obey.

"Aniue," he whispers, eyes closed as he savors the beautiful torture and his brother's cruel control.

"Little brother," the demon whispers, "You are mine."

Inuyasha agrees completely, though he knows that his brother does not mean it. After all, possession requires at least some level of caring, right?

"Yours…always…"

He has said this so many times but he means it. He belonged to his brother the day he knew that he could not defeat him. He belonged to Sesshoumaru the day the elder claimed his life and death. Now it does not matter if the Lord tires of him, abandons him, beats him, kills him. Inuyasha will always love him, always belong to him because Sesshoumaru will never betray him like Kikyou did. Sesshoumaru never promised him anything at all.

Inuyasha revels in his captivity when his brother ties him up in painful, demon chains, when he is forbidden any movement till he earns it.

But that is not the only thing his brother controls, for the games that they play are endless. If it pleases him, Sesshoumaru controls his arousal, his release, his sleep, his comfort, his very life.

Inuyasha must be his brother's footstool for the day if it pleases the Lord to have him so. And Inuyasha is hard the whole day with his brother's booted foot resting casually on him – his belly, his back, his ass, his face – as Sesshoumaru continues with his routine work as if nothing were different, as if it was the most normal thing in the world to have his naked, aroused brother as his footstool. And when he is allowed to get up, Inuyasha loves to look in the mirror and see his brother's bootprint on his body. After all, it is his place, is it not?

Inuyasha cums the hardest when he lies naked on the floor at his fully clothed brother's feet and Sesshoumaru sits idly and crushes his little brother's hard dick with his boot.

Inuyasha must be his leashed pet if Sesshoumaru so desires. Inuyasha must stay suspended in the harness, body contorted in painful ways, if that is what his brother wants. Inuyasha must lick his elder brother's boots clean if Sesshoumaru allows it. Yes, _allows_, for Inuyasha loves to do this but has he earned it today? If not, then of course he will work very hard to please his brother enough to grant him the privilege.

Inuyasha loves it when he has to beg his brother to be allowed pee. He loves it when he must hold it in, no matter how painful for his brother commands it. He loves it when Sesshoumaru rests languidly, glancing at him occasionally in amusement as the hanyou fidgets from the discomfort in his bladder. Inuyasha loves it when he promises the demon everything if only he is allowed to pee and he loves it even more when his brother refuses.

But there is yet one thing his brother never does and that is to allow anyone _else_ to degrade, beat, fuck him. Sesshoumaru never invites others over to watch as he takes his pleasure in the half-breed. Sesshoumaru never allows anyone else to lay a hand on Inuyasha. And like everything else that his brother does, Inuyasha does not question this.

But Sesshoumaru does. He wonders why he sleeps more peacefully with his little brother curled up at his feet; wonders why his vision goes red if anyone else even looks at Inuyasha the wrong way. He wonders why he loves to hear tortured screams of pleasure and pain from the little bastard as he batters him into the mattress.

And when Inuyasha falls unconscious after his abuse, Sesshoumaru wonders why he covers his little brother with a silk sheet and watches him sleep.

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**A/N:** Feedback appreciated.


	2. Hurting

**Chapter 2 –Hurting**

Inuyasha thinks that there is no such thing as Forgiveness.

He thinks of this when he lies across his brother's lap with his hakama down to his ankles and ass in the air, waiting for his punishment. His elder never spanks him immediately. Before that, he has to wait…and anticipate…and remember. Sesshoumaru will make the skin on his ass skin tingle with feather light touches, till every pore on his body is extra sensitive to any kind of stimulus. And then, just when he is relaxed, when his guard is down, the first blow falls.

The first blow, Inuyasha knows, never really hurts. Even though it lands on over-sensitive skin, the first strike merely gives him a thrilling sensation, a good feeling. But then the next one comes and the next and the next…till his bottom is red and aching and he is struggling to get away but his brother holds him down effortlessly.

And that is another thing. Sesshoumaru never tells him to stop struggling when he is being punished like this. Even though he knows he deserves this, that does not stop him from begging his brother to stop, to let him go just this once and he will never do it again. And when he says this, he means it; he honestly wants the pain to just go away, doesn't his brother understand that he has learnt his lesson and if he could only give him a chance, he will prove that he will really never make that mistake again?

Fortunately, his elder brother understands him better…better than he understands himself, sometimes. Sesshoumaru never pays heed to his begging, never lets him off when he _needs_ this punishment. His mokomoko holds the struggling hanyou in place as if he were nothing more than a child; certainly not a half-demon with strength enough to toss a boulder a hundred feet.

Sesshoumaru also does not believe in forgiveness. He knows that all deeds, good and bad, have their punishment because people don't really like to be forgiven. It is not an act of charity and goodwill. For the person being forgiven, it is a lifelong burden to bear.

Forgiveness, Inuyasha knows, does not negate the crime. For the person at fault, there is no way to undo what he has done and so, he suffers. The extent of the suffering depends on whether he knows he is being punished.

Inuyasha has done a lot of bad things and he knows that he should be punished for them. He has hurt the people he loved, he has been a burden on many, he has failed to protect those he swore to. Inuyasha's sins built up over the years, since the day he learned that his father died for him. No, not died _for _him. That is what his mother told him, that Inu no Taisho died protecting them both because he loved them so much but he knows that this is a lie. He knows because other demon children told him that his father died _because of _him, because he and his mother made him weak but at that time, there was no Sesshoumaru to give him his punishment, so he punished himself. Punishment is much harsher when it is not physical.

Sesshoumaru watched this from afar, never interfering, because at that time he hated his brother. So he watched him create his own hell, watched him slowly destroy himself. The little hanyou with big vulnerable eyes grew up into a strong half-demon with hard, bitter eyes. The hardness in his eyes is the victory. The bitterness is the punishment.

Sesshoumaru hated the child for years because it is not in his nature to forgive. Besides, the one who was really to blame is now dead and all that is left is this mistake. His little brother. _Half-_brother. He feels no pity, no compassion. Let him grow up with his corroding poison. It is not his responsibility to save him. Inu no Taisho made him promise not to kill the child and that is what he is doing. The poison of unknown, formless guilt will not kill him. It will merely break him.

Izayoi, though she loved her child, could not understand that she was destroying her son because humans know nothing about such things. Humans believe in the lie of forgiveness. So Inuyasha grew up with the same lie –of mercy and compassion and forgiveness. He learned to help strangers on the way even when they shunned and feared him afterwards. He learned to not hit back when he was hurt. He learned to hate himself instead of the world because his mother taught him that it is wrong to hurt other people; honorable people don't do that and Inuyasha is honorable, is he not?

But no one said anything about hurting himself and the anger and resentment had to go somewhere so they went inwards. Until he met Sesshoumaru, his perfect elder brother, who taught him the lessons of demons and vengeance and rage. But it was too late by then; the humans' poison had gone too deep to be entirely removed, so now he balances between the worlds like the outcast that he is, doing the things he does not want to do – helping humans, being kind instead of strong, being weak instead of hard, allowing himself to be sat by a human child instead of killing her for the affront- and then running to his brother for being punished for them. Now, he trusts his brother to hurt him when he needs to be hurt.

Of course, the half demon does not always come to him to tell him that he needs it, that he has screwed up, but Sesshoumaru can read him like an open book. He will force his otouto when he needs to be forced.

"Why are you being punished, Inuyasha?" the elder brother always asks him and the answers are different. Sometimes, he tells him the reason. Sometimes, when he really does not know, he tells him that and his brother makes it a point to tell him. Of course, his words hurt as much as the blows on his bottom but that is also a delicious kind of pain. Sometimes, when he is being a brat, he says 'I don't know' even when he does, and then his brother punishes him for that as well.

Today, it has been around half an hour now, and still the blows fall.

"Please stop, oni-sama!" he begs. "I can't…I can't take it anymore."

"You will take it," his brother replies in his deep, velvety voice that makes the little hanyou shiver.

And it continues, each smack echoing in the dark, moonlight room. The night is cool and peaceful and his brother's chambers are very beautiful. Inuyasha does not know why his brother always spanks him here, in this position where the balcony door is open and Inuyasha can see the moon surrounded by her veils of clouds. Sesshoumaru's hand is heavy, he does not let his brother off lightly. Sesshoumaru never spanks him with a paddle, always with his hand because, he says, his hand is more effective than any flimsy wooden paddle. But that is only part of the reason and Sesshoumaru does not tell him that he likes to see his handprint on the cute little ass, likes to feel the skin shiver and become raw under his blows.

Inuyasha cannot withhold his moans when his brother's hand falls near his crack. He is so much more sensitive there and his ass muscles clench in emptiness. They want to be filled and Sesshoumaru's hand is so deliciously close.

After a while, each blow is like an electric current up his spine and that is not a pleasant feeling. When it goes on for long enough, pain feels like it will last forever and there is no escape. Although Inuyasha has been through this many times before, he can't help feeling that this will never end. And just when he is about to accept the pain, Sesshoumaru stops. His brother knows that pain loses its effectiveness when the victim accepts it. All torturers know this.

Inuyasha is panting when his brother stops and his dick his hard. Yes, Inuyasha hardens due to pain but only when it's his brother who deals it out. When his punishment is over, mokomoko releases him and he is free to move but he does not do so immediately because it is painful. In order to get up, he has to turn over and then his ass would come into contact with his brother's lap and that is very painful.

So he remains there for a few seconds till his brother allows it. Then he gets up, slowly, laboriously and drops to the floor between his brother's legs. Sesshoumaru looks down at him with his inscrutable eyes but they are dark with pleasure. Sesshoumaru has a sadistic side and he is already hard.

Inuyasha releases his brother's cock from the prison of his clothes and kisses the tip. Sesshoumaru is motionless as Inuyasha takes it in his mouth and sucks and licks, the way he knows the demon Lord likes it. This is his worship because Sesshoumaru is his God. A half-breed has no god, neither human, nor demon. A hanyou has no right to pray because gods do not like half-breed bastards. But Inuyasha is lucky that he has his brother and Sesshoumaru allows him break.

And isn't that why we need gods? So that, for a few moments, we can allow ourselves to break. So that we can kneel in front of them, give ourselves to them, trust our lives to them. When God punishes us, we accept the punishment with gratitude. When God rewards us, we praise and laud him for his generosity with gifts and songs.

But Sesshoumaru is not that kind of a god. Inuyasha never flatters or praises his brother. Sesshoumaru does not like false words. He is not moved by oily groveling. Sesshoumaru has many worshippers but none as privileged as Inuyasha for they worship him from afar. Sesshoumaru's servant Jaken, who has pledged his life to him, is allowed to follow his master in his journey but Inuyasha is the only one who is allowed to worship in this way.

Sesshoumaru permits his brother to pleasure him for some time and then he takes control. His hand is in his little brother's hair, pushing and pulling his mouth as he desires. Inuyasha then becomes completely passive and revels in his brother's use of his mouth. He merely concentrates on the feeling of kneeling before his God, on the illicit thrill of surrender, on the hard shaft stabbing his mouth and throat mercilessly. When Sesshoumaru chokes him with his cock, Inuyasha does not protest. He cannot help struggling because he can't breathe but it is not a real complaint. . Inuyasha likes being used by his brother. It makes him feel…worthy. When Sesshoumaru cums deep inside his throat, Inuyasha swallows without hesitation. It is not something that Sesshoumaru demands; it is a privilege that Inuyasha is grateful for.

Punishment, Inuyasha knows, can take many forms, and spanking is perhaps the lightest of them. Once upon a time, he would have been dissatisfied. He deserved worse, didn't he? But his brother has taught him many lessons; that Inuyasha has a Master now and that his punishment is no longer his to determine, that there his elder brother does not let him off out of pity and that Inuyasha will _always_ get what he deserves. Whether the hanyou himself believes that he deserves it or not is inconsequential.

But like all Gods, Sesshoumaru is fickle and sometimes, he will punish the hanyou simply because he feels like it, because he wants to hear his pained, pleading cries that are music to his ears when he is in a dark mood.

Before Inuyasha, the demon Lord did other things when he was feeling sadistic – he had many victims and few survived his games but since he claimed his brother, he no longer desires anyone else. Only his brother's whimpers and supplication will suffice.

The daiyoukai has no compunction with hurting for pleasure; he has never been taught to hurt himself because a daiyoukai's life is always more important than everyone else's. For demons, the strongest survive and the weak either submit or perish. Others are there for his pleasure, to serve him in any way he desires, because in return, he allows them to exist.

So he punishes his brother to see his own bloody marks on the otherwise flawless body, to feel the hanyou's ass burn and tear when he forces his cock in without preparation or lubrication, to watch him limp or crawl for days afterwards depending on how much he wished to damage him, to see his soul weep when he tears at him with his words.

Inuyasha must take what he gives. He has no choice in the matter. But each time, when his punishment is done and the daiyoukai orders him to leave, Inuyasha does something he certainly doesn't have to. He gets to his feet, retrieves his clothes, gets dressed, and before leaving, bows to his elder brother and whispers quietly:

"Thank you."

**A/N:** Feedback appreciated.


	3. Hell

**Chapter 3 –Hell**

Inuyasha does not particularly like life.

Life, he knows, is not good. Life is very unfair. All the bad things happen to one person while for another, nothing ever goes wrong.

Contrary to what people think, death, according to Inuyasha, is not frightening. He is not afraid of death. Neither is he particularly attracted towards death. Inuyasha does not think it is particularly brave to be unafraid of death. Death is not pleasant or horrifying. Death just is.

After having been on the verge of death so many times (a hanyou knows all about running for one's life) Inuyasha does not think that it is logical to take that life away. Life is precious after all, isn't it? At least that is what he used to think till a few years ago. When he was alone. He questioned this once when the miko's arrow pierced him through his heart, when Kikyou looked at him with eyes full of hatred.

Now, he thinks that he might question the value of his life again. He has seen too much darkness, too much betrayal.

"Argh!"

The small sound escapes him as he is thrown carelessly across the room, his back hitting the hard stone wall.

His tormentor walks towards him, slowly, with measured steps. His hair is in an implacable grip and he is yanked up, head pulled backward forced to meet his eyes.

"Oni-sama," he whispers. His mind is no longer his own.

His brother flings him back to the floor, face meeting the rock floor with a sickening sound. The sound echoes in the quiet night, as if the universe holds its breath to listen to the hanyou break.

"You disobeyed," the words are quiet and resounding.

Inuyasha brings himself to his knees, head hanging low. Sesshoumaru kicks him solidly in his chest. Inuyasha's breath leaves his body, a blue bruise beginning to form. He tries to get up again but the force of the kick still lingers, like a weight pinning him down.

"You went after her…the dead priestess."

Sesshoumaru's eyes are cold. There is a hint of red in them.

"Why?"

Inuyasha does not answer. But silence is not what his elder commanded.

"Undress," Sesshoumaru orders.

This is a command he can obey so Inuyasha slowly and painfully rises to his feet, body bowed a little because he cannot fully straighten his chest. The point where his elder brother's boot connected, burns. But he obeys, quickly shedding his garments. Then he returns to his knees and bows his head.

The poison whip darts forward and strikes Inuyasha's bare back, lingering to caress it with its deadly touch. The skin sizzles where the whip rests for a millisecond. Sesshomaru could have retracted it instantly so that there no damage besides blood. But he doesn't.

"You kissed her."

Inuyasha does not defend himself. Does not say that it was she who kissed him. Does not tell him that she was his first love and first love can never be forgotten. Sesshoumaru does not know anything about love.

The second strike lands across the first one, the juncture where they cross burns even deeper and Inuyasha cannot contain a hiss. The whip retracts and when it returns, it wraps itself around the hanyou's neck. Not even his hands go up to his throat to try and loosen it. What would be the point? Tonight, his brother will mark him to remind him just who he belongs to. The marks have to be deep, painful – pain, after all, is the best foil for insolence. Inuyasha accepts the marks because he knows that his brother will either sear his skin with his mark – or kill him.

Sesshoumaru pulls him closer, the whip choking him like a dog's leash except a dog's collar and leash are not made of deadly poison. They hurt the dog less.

The Taiyoukai pulls him in close, body trapped against his own.

"You would go to hell with her…"

For the first time, Inuyasha looks up at him, eyes dull with pain. The choking acidic whip is making it difficult to form coherent thoughts.

"No…" he whispers.

Hell is freedom from life but hell is a long way away. Kikyou has been to and returned from hell but he would make that journey with…and for…only one person. But why would Sesshoumaru ask him to accompany him to hell? His brother is Lord of Hell as well; even the Hell guardians bow to him.

Sesshoumaru releases his throat, the whip retreating into its master's fingers, and seals his brother's lips with his own. There is nothing gentle about the kiss. It is about possession…dominance. Sesshoumaru plunges his tongue in his little brother's mouth, marking his territory. He can taste grave soil and death on his lips…but not in his mouth.

Inuyasha allows his brother to tongue fuck him as he pleases. However rough, violent his brother chooses to be, his touch is a hundred times more pleasant than the undead miko's. Love, you know, does not always consider pleasure…love doesn't always taste sweet – especially first love.

Sesshoumaru pulls him even closer, one hand going behind his neck, holding his head in place, allowing him no movement. No, love is not always about pleasure. Sometimes, for those who have known too much of life, it is about more than that; certainly it is about more than life.

Before he lets go, Sesshoumaru slices his lip with his fang. It is not a small, delicate cut. Blood seeps generously from the seemingly shallow wound. Sesshoumaru is an expert at drawing blood. It dribbles down his mouth, down his chin. Sesshoumaru likes blood on his otouto tonight.

Inuyasha blinks up at him and the next thing he knows, his ass is hitting the bed. Sesshoumaru is upon him in an instant, pushing his face into the sheets, hiking his ass into the air.

Inuyasha cries out as his brother enters him on one violent thrust. Sesshoumaru relishes the sound. Hanyou are not built to take a taiyoukai's fucking. Inuyasha's ass tears at the unprepared, dry entry. There is no pleasure, not for the younger. Perfect.

"Who do you belong to, hanyou?"

Inuyasha wants to reply, he really does, but his ass his face is smothered into the sheets so the words come out a mumble.

"Who?" Sesshoumaru repeats quietly. "Do you belong to the dead priestess? Do you belong to Kikyou, Inuyasha?"

A lance of pain goes through his heart on hearing her name on Sesshoumaru's lips. No, he does not belong to her. Yes, he gave himself to her once upon a time but he has never truly belonged to anyone except his brother. Because no one can own him the way Sesshoumaru does.

"You," he cries. "I belong only to you, Aniue!"

The sheets are blood red, but really, no color can hide blood.

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"You will sleep here tonight." Inuyasha nods. The night was long – punishment always is. His body is almost too hurt to move – more from the inside than from the outside but he cannot hide the hope, the elation in his eyes. To sleep at his elder brother's feet; could there be greater bliss?

Sesshoumaru lies down onto the bed, head resting on his forearm. His brother looks beautiful decorated with his marks. Inuyasha's body is littered with bitemarks and blood. His eyes are glassy with the pain – more emotional than physical. But the taiyoukai glances once at the hanyou and Inuyasha arranges himself in place immediately, lying horizontally at his feet.

"On your face," Sesshoumaru orders and Inuyasha obeys.

Sesshoumaru places the heel of his foot on his living footrest, exactly at the point where the two lashes of the whip crossed to leave a deep, acidic gash. Inuyasha hisses at the pain but makes no attempt to move away.

"Tell me why," Sesshoumaru whispers.

Inuyasha does not answer because he does not know the answer himself. Why does he always return when she calls? Because he loves her? No. Because he cares for her? Maybe, but there is more than that. Because she cares for him? No, she cares nothing for him except that she loves him. Then why?

"Because," he whispers, cheek against the cool silk sheets, the weight of his master's feet on his torn, bleeding back. "If I don't…then I will be free…"

Freedom…the word tastes bitter. It speaks of uprooted forests and wingless birds; of homeless orphans and an indifferent world. Freedom means being free from the chains that bind. Freedom means being free from the ties that bind. But freedom also means being free from those ties that you want to keep. Inuyasha knows all about freedom because he had always been free - bound to nothing and no one - till he met Kikyou. Inuyasha knows freedom well enough to fear it.

Sesshoumaru stares at his broken little brother and understands.

"Fool," he murmurs softly, rage subsiding. He removes his feet from Inuyasha's back, sits up and grabs the hanyou's arm, pulling him to himself. Inuyasha is limp as a doll in his hands. For the second time that night, Sesshoumaru kisses him deeply, not bothering to keep his hands away from the hanyou's injured back.

Inuyasha delights in the pain and thinks that it would be preferable to die rather than disappoint his brother again but he doesn't, because his life doesn't belong to him anymore.

Sesshoumaru traps his brother's smaller body in his arms and legs – one arm high across the hanyou's chest, gripping his other shoulder and the other low across his stomach, lithe legs between his own more muscular ones, pinning the hanyou to himself. Inuyasha releases a shuddering breath, taut, screaming muscles relaxing, body sinking in the elder's arms into a boneless mass.

"You will never be free."

It is the sweetest thing Inuyasha has ever heard him say.

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**A/N:** Feedback appreciated.


	4. Torment

_**Story: When The Lines Blur**_

_**Summary: **__Inuyasha craves whatever his elder brother does to him. Love, after all, sees no logic. Sesshoumaru knows that he does not love the half-breed. Why, then, are some of his actions so…inconsistent?_

**A/N: **Hey everyone! ^_^ This story's back on …well, at least this chapter is. For those of you who read it, it contains 4 chapters so far and this is the fourth one. The first three are hardcore yaoi so I haven't posted them here. You can find them on other sites which are listed on my profile. I'm quite bummed out that the reviews for the story got deleted :( Anyway, I hope you all like it.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Inuyasha or the song 'In My Place' by Coldplay.

The lines in **bold **are lyrics of the song "In My Place" by Coldplay.

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**Chapter 4 - Torment**

Inuyasha marvels how much taller his brother is. Standing, there is not that much difference in their heights but Inuyasha always feels like he's looking up at his brother.

But right now, he's kneeling, as he should be, so, of course, Sesshoumaru is much taller.

**In my place, in my place…**

"I feel…worthless," he whispers.

Sesshoumaru doesn't reply, only stares down at him, his face impassive.

The moon is once again high in the sky, casting her pale light on the kneeling hanyou and the standing Lord. But the moonlight is feeble tonight because the moon is only a thin crescent. There are more shadows tonight.

Inuyasha's face is as stony as his brother's but there are tears brimming in glassy eyes. They are not tears of sadness; they are tears of despair. There is a difference, you know. Sadness is unfortunate; despair is dangerous.

…**lines that I couldn't change…**

"Let this be the last thing I do wrong," he pleads.

Kikyou is dead.

_You didn't save her_, Inuyasha had accused his brother. _It was you who failed_, his brother had replied and that was the truth. It was he who had failed, every time, with everyone.

…**I was lost, I was lost…**

"I can't lose again."

The reigning Lord of the Western Lands stands still as a god, looking down on the supplicant on his knees. He doesn't have to listen to this, he knows. There are other, far more important things he has to do rather than listen to his bastard half-brother cry about his life. It does not befit a Taiyoukai to spend his nights with this disgraced almost-man.

But he does anyway. He stares at the pain in those glassy eyes. The pain that was left by those insipid human girls who sought to tame the hanyou.

"Kikyou…" the name falls from Inuyasha's lips in a whisper, unbidden and Sesshoumaru barely manages to keep his claws from flexing in anger, itching as they are for the bitch's blood.

Kikyou.

He hates her, but he hates her less than the other. He hates her less than _Kagome._

Inuyasha sees the hate in his brother's eyes intensify and he thinks it is for him. It should be, after all. It is right. After all that he has done…like falling in love…hanyou are not supposed to fall in love. Hanyou are meant to be alone, that is what Sesshoumaru had always told him. He'd fought him on that before, cried put his denial. But the truth was the truth.

…**Crossed lines I shouldn't have crossed…**

"I can't go on hurting everyone," he tells his brother. Sesshoumaru…is the only one who can stop him from doing it all over again.

_Kikyou…_

The name resonates quietly, like a drop of dew falling on a lifeless lake…like the sound of mourning bells.

_I couldn't save the one I loved_…_I couldn't save the one who loved me._

So many years ago, the hatred that was born because of a dark hanyou's bottomless envy, culminates in the destruction of the one who was never at fault.

He killed her, for the second time. The first, she died to protect the jewel, died doing what she had to do. Unlike him who never learned his place.

How was it fair that the pure hearted priestess died for his crimes? How many times would others die for his offenses? How long would it take to catch up to his sins?

**How long must you wait for it…**

"I tried," he whispers desperately to his brother, hands fisting in the pristine, white silk of his elder brother's hakama. His soiled, dirty hands leave muddy prints on the once flawless garment but Inuyasha does not notice as he stares up into inscrutable eyes, willing his brother to understand that he had not given up, he had tried.

_But that meant nothing_, his brother had taught him. It didn't mean anything because he failed and that is what remains. The ending.

…**how long must you pay for it…**

"I did…everything wrong. I've always done everything wrong."

He feels stupid as he glances desperately into golden eyes far lighter than his own. He feels like a child.

Only Sesshoumaru has ever made him feel that way. With everyone else, old and young, he has been able to hold his own, for wisdom doesn't come with just winters; wisdom comes with suffering, and no one knows more about suffering than an orphaned hanyou bastard. So, when others look at this young, brash boy, they see an arrogant teen punk but when they look into his eyes, they see sadness – hardened and old. They feel uneasy, talking to this child who seems to have seen far more than them.

But Sesshoumaru makes him feel like a guilty child who is caught doing something he shouldn't. His brother's piercing gaze makes him feel naked and vulnerable and so, _so_ small…

**I was scared, I was scared,**

**Tired and under prepared…**

Finally, pale, elegant fingers cup his chin strongly and tilt that face up.

"Please…do this one thing right…for me…" Inuyasha whispers, shivering at the long-awaited touch.

Sesshoumaru looks into his brother's eyes and sees the same look in them as when they fight.

Sesshoumaru is reminded o the day he first cornered his brother in front of his human companions, fifty years after he got pinned to the tree by the priestess, only to be released by the woman's reincarnation. He remembers the shock on his face, the fear and anticipation that he tried so hard to disguise with hatred.

Inuyasha has never been able to hide his desperate need for love, for acceptance. The fool sought to find it elsewhere, with females, with humans. But he doesn't know that it will never be enough. No simpering mortal's affection will soothe the hanyou's heart as long as his elder brother spurns him.

…**but I wait for you…**

Inuyasha searches his brother's face for any signs of what he might do, of whether his request will be granted. His brother has never been merciful but Inuyasha thinks that just this once, maybe he wouldn't mind. The task was not so difficult, after all, nor entirely unwelcome.

Hanyou and Taiyoukai remain motionless and a light breeze blows in from the open balcony door, gently lifting the billowing sleeves of Sesshoumaru's haori and the brothers' long hair.

Then Sesshoumaru wrenches the younger brother's face to the side and walks away.

**If you go, if you go…**

Inuyasha, still on his knees, turns to stare after him, panicked. No! That can't happen. Sesshoumaru is supposed to punish him for what he has done. His elder brother is supposed to take this miserable life that he has claimed or at least beat him within an inch of his life.

Pain…shivers run down Inuyasha's spine as he recalls all the wonderful ways in which Sesshoumaru can cause him pain, make him scream and beg for mercy, make hi feel like dirt beneath his boots. Pain is what he came here for. Sesshoumaru would not be cruel enough to abandon him at a time like this…

…would he?

…**And leave me down here on my own…**

"Brother?" Inuyasha asks in a shaking voice.

Sesshoumaru does not give any indication that he has heard. He leisurely makes his way across the room. The giant doors open instantly at a touch from him and he leaves without a backward glance.

Inuyasha's heart clenches in unexpected fear as he is left alone in the room. He turns to look outside the balcony. The night is beautiful – cool and haunting. Leaves rustle gently in the peaceful night but all Inuyasha can hear is the blood pounding through his veins, his heart beating wildly in his chest.

His skin itches with the urge to get up, to destroy something, to run but he remains there on his knees. His brother has not given him permission to get up, after all.

**…Then I'll wait for you.**

He stares at the door through which the demon Lord went and it occurs to him that Sesshoumaru is _furious._

Inuyasha's mind races, thinking, wondering….

What has he done for Sesshoumaru to reject him so completely? To punish him like this? Has he done anything recently to make him so angry? He has obeyed his brother, done nothing to deliberately offend him.

And he did not seem angry when he came. He was his usual, impassive self. Until-

Until he mentioned Kikyou. His brother's face had tightened in anger when he mentioned the dead priestess's name. But Inuyasha does not understand why. He did not think his brother considered humans worth even his anger. They were a mere annoyance, like worms on a rain drenched ground. Hardly worth his notice. Why should Sesshoumaru hate Kikyou? She was dead now anyway.

The night crawls on, a millisecond at a time. The nights when he is with his brother seem to pass by in a moment. One night of pain and pleasure with his brother seemed incredibly unfair. But now, each minute seems like an hour.

The unwanted thoughts clutter his mind; dark thoughts, uncomfortable thoughts. Thoughts that he sought to chase away by being with, under his brother. But it seems his brother cannot be moved to grant him that reprieve tonight.

Inuyasha gazes longingly out into the beautiful, serene castle gardens. He longs desperately to scale those walls and run into the cool night, to find forests to demolish, demons to slaughter, anything but staying here motionless like this. But if it is Sesshoumaru's wish that he suffer the darkness of his own heart tonight, so be it. If his brother wishes to inflict this harshest of all punishments on him, then it is not his, Inuyasha's, place to question his decision.

…**How long must you wait for it?**_  
_**How long must you pay for it?**_..._

Without his brother to keep him grounded, the thoughts come unbidden, unrestrained. His life passes before his eyes like a film.

The long cold nights when he was young, when Sesshoumaru hated him fiercely enough to not interfere with his life at all, when he spent his life running, trying to survive with his only memory of love being his gentle mother who had died so young. The silver haired demon Lord had kept him from being killed by others but just barely. And the awe inspiring power and matchless grace of his brother had been his ideal for years, till he became old enough to love and consequently, old enough to hate.

Other memories come, memories of red, red love, beautiful and pure – memories of Kikyou. Then the memories of everything that came after – betrayal and pain and 50 years of dreams and nightmares and then _Kagome._

Kagome, who is nothing like Kikyou, Kagome whom he cares for but does not love. Sesshoumaru is the only one now who can keep him from hurting her. Sesshoumaru has to end him, take his accursed life before he once again ends up destroying the one who cares for him, the fierce, independent girl who is too innocent to know of a hanyou's curse. At least Kikyou had known of it. Kikyou had been cursed herself.

He looks once again at the door, willing his brother to return, willing him to put him out of his misery.

_Is this what I deserve,_ Inuyasha wonders, heart clenching with pain. Yet the pain would not reach his eyes in the form of tears. His eyes are dry. _To be left alone…by him…_Of course, he knew he did not deserve being with his blue blooded brother, did not deserve being close to the matchless Taiyoukai. But his heart is ignorant and he cannot help wishing.

**Singing…  
Please, please, please  
Come back and sing to me…**

Fear filled eyes gaze longingly at the door. Kikyou's face swims before his eyes and he shudders, gasping.

Its' no good…he's tried to control himself, tried to hold himself together for Sesshoumaru, but it is too much now. His brother ordered him never to harm himself but his brother is not here right now to enforce that order. Maybe if he disobeyed, Sesshoumaru would come to punish him…

Inuyasha takes a deep breath and raises his claws. Very deliberately, he drags the razor sharp claws on the inside of his arms creating deep wounds. Blood gushes out in generous measure. The hanoyu keeps one eye on the door and waits for his brother to rush in at any moment, furious. He is going against his brother's orders, he is disobeying. Sesshoumaru is not one to take insubordination lightly.

But the minutes tick on and the flowing blood slowly tapers off into trickles as the wounds heal. Why isn't he coming? To beat him, admonish him, kill him, anything…_why isn't he coming?_

Tears brim in the hanyou's eyes but the eyes stay glued on the closed doors. The night is silent as Inuyasha once more exacerbates his wounds. The room is heavy once again with the scent of fresh spilt blood.

The tears in his eyes finally fall, mixing with the blood.

The night wears on but the door remains closed.

* * *

To be continued in the next chapter…


	5. Anguish

**Chapter 5- Anguish**

When he walks out of the room, leaving his brother panicked and lonely on the floor, Sesshoumaru's pace is leisurely but as soon as he is outside the castle, he transforms into his true form and gallops into the heavens.

The sky is dotted with stars tonight and for anyone looking up at sky from the earth, the daiyoukai would be a shooting star – a white, radiant dot moving swiftly across the night sky.

In a heartbeat, he is over his brother's camp, watching his brother's companions from the sky. They have already bedded down for the night. The Taiji-ya and the monk sleep next to each other, though not close enough to touch. The fox is sleeping nearby and the demon cat is curled into her mistress.

Though far off, she senses the daiyoukai's presence and raises her head quietly, peering up at his white form, high enough to be invisible to the human. Kilala stares at him long enough to ascertain his intentions, then lays her head back on her paws. A silently watching daiyoukai is no threat; the dog demon is too honourable and too proud to attack humans in stealth. Besides, he has no need to.

Sesshoumaru lets his gaze rove over the small campsite. The miko is nowhere in sight. Her freshest scent leads to the bone-eater's well. His eyes move to the wooden well, a silent shadow in the night. Her scent ends there but there are no signs of struggle, of a demon dragging her down there.

He glances back at the sleeping humans. They also show no signs of distress. There is no empty, unkempt bed next to them to suggest that she has left during the night. So the girl went down the well of her own free will?

He ascends higher into the sky to escape the lingering scent of cooking fires and human blood and sweat. The air is cooler here and he hovers there allowing his turmoiled mind to wander as it would.

He needed to get away from his brother, from that innocent, heartbreaking face, pleading with him so trustingly. Inuyasha has no reason to trust him, no reason at all to want to be close to him in his time of distress. Yet, ever since he was a child, the boy has followed him about, waiting enthusiastically for any scrap of his affection. He is like an abandoned dog; even when his master kicks him, he returns begging for more abuse.

True, he has protected the brat from the world, but only because it was his duty to do so, as the head of the family, as Inuyasha's alpha. Did the boy mistake that for affection?

But that does not explain the fury coursing through his veins when he hears the bitch's name.

Kikyou…

He knows Inuyasha will wait for him. It gives him sadistic pleasure to know that he controls his brother's will, his peace.

The wind changes direction and brings with it, the faint scent of his brother's blood. Sesshoumaru frowns thunderously and heads back to the castle. Was Inuyasha foolish enough to injure himself or worse? Has he not made it clear that his life no longer belongs to him?

He transforms into the energy ball and speeds across the sky.

In no time at all, he is at the door of the room where he left Inuyasha. The scent of blood is strong, overpowering, mixed with the scent of tears. He slams the doors open and walks in, to find his brother slumped in the floor. He is still on his knees where he had left him but he is lying in a large puddle of blood. His forearms are red and slashed, bleeding from gashes made by his own claws. There.

He lifts his brother in his arms and heads out the door, away from the room filled with blood and tears. The scent is unpleasant.

* * *

Feeling light shining on his eyes, Inuyasha opens them, eyelids feeling heavy and sore from hours of crying.

The room slowly comes into focus. He is in his brother's old chambers, lying on his bed. He tries to lift his arms up but finds he doesn't have the strength. He turns his head to the side slowly and finds Sesshoumaru standing there, still as a statue.

"Ani-" he begins but is not allowed to finish the word as the next moment, the demon Lord is close and his head snaps to the side as his brother backhands him across the face hard enough to make a small trickle of blood escape from his mouth.

Head reeling from the strike and loss of blood, Inuyasha shuts his eyes tightly, allowing the tears that are forming to escape. He no longer has the strength to control them.

He feels hollow, distant, as if separate from reality, no longer himself. Notions of pride and determination and self-control are distant, no longer a part of himself and he raises a trembling hand to reach for his brother.

"Aniki," he says, voice small and childlike and trembling.

His weak fingers close around his brother's long, white haori sleeve and then it slips out of his grasp as Sesshoumaru steps back, not allowing his disobedient brother that small comfort.

He expects some hint of pain to cross Inuyasha's face at the rejection but the hanyou's eyes are glassy. He simply looks at him dispassionately.

Sesshoumaru notices that Inuyasha's body is shivering; he has lost too much blood. That combined with crying the whole night has left him weak and feverish.

"Are you so worthless that you cannot follow even a simple order?" he whispers, staring into those blank eyes, hoping to get a reaction.

Inuyasha doesn't blink. "Worthless…" he repeats softly.

And Sesshoumaru realizes that the hanyou is too far gone to be reached. The night's anguish was too much for him. He had not realized the bitch's death affected him to such an extent. Anger rears its head again, burning and thick but he pushes it back. There will be time enough to punish him when he is himself again.

He stares for a moment at his brother's shivering body. Warm though the blankets in his bed are, they won't be enough for the hanyou who is swiftly losing body heat. It would be dangerous if his temperature dropped further. His mind was already weakened, on the edge after the night. But there is a way; the thing that can heal a wound best is what caused it in the first place.

He begins to rid himself of his garments, undoing his obi, then the hakama and the haori.

When he is bare, he throws the covers off Inuyasha and begins to undress him as well. The hanyou sighs at his closeness, at the nimble fingers brushing against his skin, at his brother's familiar, comforting scent that he can smell so close.

"Sesshoumaru-sama," he whispers in pleasure and the demon Lord frowns. How hurt was the boy to be delirious and lifeless like this after a mere night of self mutilation?

He lifts the unresponsive boy in his arms and slides into bed, placing Inuyasha in his lap, cradling him in his arms. He draws a warm, thick, soft blanket over the both of them and lies back against the pillows resting Inuyasha's head against his chest.

Inuyasha curls in on himself, plastering himself as close to his brother as possible, clinging to him with all his might. Then a warm head is on his head, smoothing back his ears, caressing gently and Inuyasha begins to feel safe and drowsy. His aniki is finally here. He is no longer alone; Sesshoumaru doesn't hate him. He can feel the daiyoukai's strong heart beating rhythmically, he can smell his musky, exquisite scent, he can feel his warmth soaking into his own shivering, overwhelmed body.

Sesshoumaru stares into the distance, eyes unfocused. How long has it been since he has held his brother like this? The last time, it was when Inuyasha had found Kagome, the strange woman who looked so like the love he had lost and tried for 50 years to get over. Kagome, he said was nothing like Kikyou. Kagome was the hollow shell of the dead priestess, sent from hell to torment him.

Inuyasha had begged to be claimed, to be reminded that this wasn't one of the endless dreams he had had pinned to that tree, the ones that that seemed so real, until the next one began. The hanyou needed to know that this _was _real, his love and loss were real, Kikyou was Kikyou, was not Kagome; and that Inuyasha was Inuyasha – the same Inuyasha that the demon Lord had claimed so many times before.

"_Oni-sama!" Inuyasha sobbed from under the demon Lord after the older brother had released inside him, keeping himself off the smaller man with his arms on either side of his body._

"_Please," Inuyasha begged. "Stay in me."_

_Sesshoumaru stared at the distraught half-demon, shaken from the inside with too much loss and a much too cruel fate that had chosen to dangle the hollow form of what he had lost in front of his eyes._

_So, in a moment of kindness, he had acquiesced, covering the smaller form with his, pinning the boy under him with his weight, his hard dick deep, deep inside his brother, giving him the anchor he needed. _

Inuyasha stirred in his arms, shuddering briefly, and Sesshoumaru held him closer, allowing his aura to encase him, the dominating energy soothing the hanyou's instincts, allowing him to relax in order to heal.

Inuyasha's legs twitched, drawing up on the bed and Sesshoumaru trapped them between his own, weighing them down to quiet the restlessness.

Sleep comes, peacefully this time, bringing with it, much needed rest.


End file.
